3 Steps To Learn From Your Emotions

Hey Momma! 

Today, we’re going to talk about the hard or scary emotions; the ones you try to avoid at all costs. These are the emotions that we spend most of our lives shoving down because they feel too big for us to handle. They might feel negative, or scary, or overwhelming. For me, it’s anger. Maybe for you, it’s sadness, or disappointment, or fear. 

But I’m here to tell you, there is a reason we have those emotions, and a lesson we can learn from them! Chances are, you have spent a large portion of your life aware of how much you hate feeling a certain way. And chances are you have never let yourself explore what those emotions really mean. 

In this post, you’ll be able to identify the emotion, or emotions, that you avoid at all costs, think about a recent time it came up, and use that emotion to learn what you were missing at that moment. 

If you find this emotion pops up and then creates a negative thought pattern that you put on yourself, try saying a paradox prayer to first help you gain perspective, come back into your loving self, and then start figuring out what this emotion is trying to teach you. 

Before we get into the specifics, let’s broaden our perspective for a second. 

The Pink Bedroom Problem

Recently, I was on a self coaching scholars call (part of an amazing program with Brooke Castillo of the Life Coach School), where someone brought up a hard time they were having with their home remodel. 

More specifically, this woman hated the pink walls in her bedroom. There was so much else that needed to be done, but she just could not get past the fact that her bedroom walls were painted pink. Every time she walked into that room, she was overcome with how much she couldn’t stand those pink walls. 

But then she was asked, “If you hate it so much, why don’t you change it?” 

And it hit me, our hate for something makes us completely blind to the solution. If she just let herself see the pink walls without the chains of hate weighing her down, she might actually have gotten around to repainting the walls. 

And this is exactly how it is with our emotions. We spend more time thinking about how we don’t want to feel a certain way, that we never put the hate to the side so we can realistically figure out a way to work through that emotion, and listen to what it was trying to teach us in the first place. 

3 Steps to Learn from Your Emotions

1. Identify the Emotion 

We go through life feeling so many emotions throughout the day, that sometimes we forget to even label what it is that we are feeling. Before you can begin to let your emotions teach you, you need to identify the specific emotion you are trying to work through. 

Is there an emotion that when it pops up, you just try to push it down or distract yourself from it as fast as possible? Is there an emotion that you feel like you’ve never really had control over, and you hate facing? 

For me, it’s anger. I have gone at least the past 20 years of my life idealizing neutral. Somewhere along the way, I decided that anger was not an emotion worth having. I believed that anger didn’t serve me, and there was no good reason to feel it. 

Any time anger used to pop up for me, I just pushed it down. For me, I thought I was a better person the more neutral and calm I could stay. But, as we all know, we’re human, and we get angry. Like almost every emotion, I couldn’t really avoid it forever. 

So, before we go onto the next step, I want you to write down, or hold at the front of your mind, that emotion that you hate feeling. It might be disappointment, sadness, or anger. Or maybe it’s something else. You don’t have to feel it right now, just name it, so you can begin to work through it. 

2. Identify a Recent Time You Felt the Emotion 

Now that you have named the emotion that you traditionally avoid at all costs, it is time to think of a recent moment when you were not able to avoid it. 

I’ll tell you mine. It’s not pretty, but when we haven’t learned to deal with an emotion, it usually isn’t. You know those days when everything just feels like it keeps piling on until it gets to this tipping point, and the slightest action will send you over the edge? 

It was one of those days when you already feel like you’re hanging on by a thread, but life needs to go on. And you’re trying to manage regular life and your kids, and something doesn’t go exactly as planned. Then, any sort of control you had over yourself just goes right out the window.  

Well, yeah, that’s where I was when, in the middle of the chaos, my son hit my hand. Oh, I was also in the middle of vacuuming. So, when I lost it, so did the vacuum. I picked it up and slammed it into the floor. And then I slammed it down three more times until the vacuum fully broke. And then I went upstairs and was shaking. 

Like I said, not pretty. I now realize that an ugly event was just a cycle that would keep happening as long as I kept trying to suppress my anger every time I felt it. But, if I learned to let it through in those small moments, I might be able to learn something from it. 

Do you have a recent experience that comes to mind? Think or journal about what happened. Were you prepared for this emotion, or had you been actively trying to push it aside? What was it that set you over the edge? Was there anything leading up to that moment that triggered the emotion? 

3. Identify the Lesson from Your Emotion

This is where we flip the script. This is where we take back our power, and instead of letting that emotion create a black cloud above our heads, we use it to help us learn and grow. 

After my vacuum breakdown, I took a moment to calm down by myself and then went downstairs and apologized to my kids. I told them how I am responsible for my actions, and then we talked about how emotions are not an excuse for our behavior, but it does give us insight into what we need in a certain moment. 

At that moment, and the entire day leading up to it, I realized my anger was actually a trigger to tell me that I have limits and need to set new boundaries. Instead of continuing to try to push it away the instant it comes on, I was able to take a step back, set aside my blind hatred for the emotion, and listen to what it was trying to teach me. 

Unfortunately, it also took destroying a vacuum to get to this point. But, that is why I tell you my story, so hopefully you can learn just a little bit earlier than I did. 

Your negative emotions are really just a trigger to get you to pay attention to a certain situation. That doesn’t mean they’re any easier to feel or process, but it does mean you can use that uncomfortable feeling to help you grow.

So, what do you think you needed to learn in your recent run in with a hated emotion? Did feeling disappointed in someone else’s actions let you know that maybe you should have spoken up for yourself? Maybe when you felt sad it was a trigger to let you know how you really felt about something. 

Practice, Practice, Practice

It can feel a little complicated to get to the root understanding, especially the first time you try it. If you’re anything like me, and you have spent a long time trying to avoid feeling a certain way, it might take many attempts before you can hear what that emotion is trying to tell you. But, that’s why you practice, and I promise you, it will get easier the more in tune you allow yourself to listen. 

Try writing out a self-coaching model to step by step figure out what thought or fear was driving your actions. And if you need any additional help, or want someone else’s insight to help you through, I am always here for you! 

Own Your WHOLE Humanity

Just remember- no emotion is better or worse than another. The “positive” ones might be easier and more fun for us to feel, but the real lessons and growth come out the emotions that are a little more challenging. I want you to know that your emotions are not either right or wrong. Together, they create the entire picture that is you, and by denying them, you are denying your humanity. 

Lately, I have been working on owning parts of my humanity that I used to shy away from. Concurrently, my entire theological understanding has been opened wide, and God has me on this journey to really acknowledge those emotions I’ve typically had a really hard time with. 

I hope this post helps you on that journey, too. And together, we can learn how to not be afraid of feeling certain ways, but allow those emotions to be our teachers. 

Let me know how this process works for you. What emotion came up as you read this post? Have you ever considered what lessons it might be trying to teach you?

Feel free to send me a message if you feel like this is a huge part of your life you would like to work on, or check out my programs if you’re ready to jump right in!

Sarah Failla

Life & Weight Loss Coach for Moms