The Self Coaching Model: Coach Yourself Through Anything In 5 Minutes
Hey, my friends and clients!
I want to talk to you today about one of the most important tools I use in coaching clients.
This is a form of self-coaching that is called “The Model.” It was created by Brooke Castillo of The Life Coach School. Listen to her podcast, take notes, and apply what she teaches. The way you approach and think about your life will completely change!
If you start to work with me, or if you are currently a client, you will hear me reference this model often, so bookmark this page to keep as a reference when you want to dig deeper or coach yourself.
The Self-Coaching Model Centers Around 5 Basic Components:
Circumstances
Thoughts
Feelings
Actions
Results
Circumstances in our lives create thoughts, which then cause feelings, which we take action upon, which leads to the results of our lives.
The main idea is to take something you are struggling with and break it down into more manageable pieces. So, follow me step by step, and try not to jump ahead. It is important to clarify each component before moving onto the next so that you can really look at what’s going on.
When you get the process of this tool down, you will be able to coach yourself through anything.
Stick around to the end to see some other applications and examples.
What the Self-Coaching Model Components Mean, and How to Apply Them
1. Circumstances
Circumstances are really the easiest piece to define because they are always FACT. Though, it could take some practice since you might be used to letting your thoughts or feelings influence what a fact really is.
For example, the statement, “I can’t lose weight” is not a circumstance. It is actually a thought about your current circumstance.
Instead, you would say, “I weigh 185 pounds.” This is a neutral, unemotional statement, that is true no matter what mindset you are in.
Keep it simple, and keep yourself honest during this step. Make sure to assess often if you are actually writing down facts, or opinions about those facts.
2. Thoughts
For this self-coaching model component, you might want to try to limit yourself to just one thought when starting out.
Write down what it is you think about the circumstance you started with. In our example, the thought would be “I can’t lose weight.”
If you are facing a really hard struggle, you might need to write down all of your thoughts, but try to run the model on each thought individually, since they might be coming from different places.
When you are at this step, it is important to know that your thoughts are not always true. They come from our upbringing, our beliefs, and are so often running our lives on autopilot that we don’t even know why we think of them in the first place.
However, be honest with yourself. Do not try to edit or adjust your thoughts as you are writing them. You will not learn anything if you are not really looking at what’s going on.
That being said, give yourself some grace when writing out your thoughts. It is understandable if you feel overwhelmed, but remember, you are not your thoughts, you only have thoughts.
The thoughts component will help you practice thinking about what you are thinking.
When you get further into the self-coaching model, you will begin to question your thoughts. Ask yourself if you want to keep thinking those thoughts. Are they serving you?
You will learn to think about circumstances in any way you want, but you will only get to that point if you practice first being aware of each and every thought you have.
3. Feelings
Just like you will learn how to take control of your thoughts, you will also be able to create any feeling you want around your thoughts.
But first, you have to be aware of them.
So, look at the thought you wrote down. How does that make you feel? If it’s a lot of emotions, let it all out. A big part of this self-coaching model involves journaling and getting everything in your head out onto paper.
In our example, your feeling could be “discouraged” from the idea that you will never lose the weight you want.
4. Actions
Now that you know the specific circumstance, how you thought about it, and the feeling you had around it, it’s time to look at the action you took or could take, because of the first three components.
Your feelings ultimately influence the action you decide to take.
If you are feeling discouraged that you can’t lose weight because you are 185 pounds, you might decide to give up. You might also decide to indulge in weight gaining behaviors.
Or, you might look at your feeling and decide you don’t want to feel that way anymore, find a health coach, and get to work!
There are 4 types of possible actions:
Success - this is the best that can happen
Failure - this is the next best that can happen. Read about the positives of failure in the Results section
Not Trying Again - this is worse than failure
Procrastination - this is if you take no action at all
Actions can change based on your feelings, and how much control you have developed over them.
But once you take action, it will always lead to a consequence, good or bad.
5. Results
The final component of the self-coaching model is the results that come about because of the actions you took.
Results can be successful or they can be a failure. But because you are taking the time to break down exactly what is happening, you can learn from both types in an equal amount.
You can use this component as a great self-reflective tool, or as a way to set goals.
If you are looking at the example we’ve used throughout, the result could be that you stay 185 pounds. If you don’t like that result, you can look back on your thoughts, feelings, and actions, and determine what needs to change to get a result you are happy with.
Then, set the result you want, like “stayed consistent with my goal and lost weight,” and work backward from there, determining the actions, feelings, and thoughts you need to have based on your current circumstance.
Once you start using the self-coaching model with any problem you have in life, you will begin to see that you have a lot more control than you might have thought.
Important Lessons I’ve Learned from Using The Self-Coaching Model
There are so many important lessons you learn once you start taking control of the parts of your life that used to rule you.
1. Be Okay With Negative Emotions
The most profound thing I’ve learned is that we don’t need to be happy 100% of the time.
When you are stuck in your unconscious phase and feel something negative, you might think you need to find a way to correct that feeling as soon as possible. This often leads to you finding something to buffer that emotion without dealing with it at all.
Buffers are anything you use that is outside of yourself. These could be food, alcohol, sex, shopping, social media, or work. They are anything that you use to distract yourself.
You then learn to avoid or make yourself numb to the negative emotion you are feeling, instead of learning from it.
But you are doing yourself a disservice. The beauty of life is that there is contrast. There is new life and death, sickness and health, joy and sorrow. It is all part of what makes you beautifully human.
And you can use the self-coaching model to teach your primal brains that you are not in any real danger when you feel uncomfortable.
You will teach your brain to face any situation head-on, that it is okay to feel the negative emotions as well as the positive ones and get through it.
You’ve got this.
*If you are feeling sad, angry, or hopeless in a way that you feel like you just cannot move through, it is ok to ask for professional help. Depression is a reality for many of us, and there is no reason to stay in the situation you are in without help.
2. What You Feel is a CHOICE
Speaking of feelings (beyond depression or situations that are truly out of your control), it is crazy to me how often we want something because of how we THINK it will make us FEEL. When in reality, those feelings are often available to you TODAY.
We have so much power over our own thoughts and feelings, that if we decide we want to be happy, we truly can be.
When you really start to use the self-coaching model for everything in your life, you will see that if you want to feel happy about something, you can. If you don’t want to feel guilty anymore about a choice you made, you can determine what it is you need to do, do it, and then feel the way you want to feel.
For example:
You might think that if you get a raise, you will then feel like your contribution means something. But, do you really need the raise to feel that way?
External validation can feel great, but if you just wait around for it to come, you are giving up your own power in your life.
It becomes important to start thinking and feeling the way you want RIGHT NOW, and not waiting around for some elusive goal or change.
So many of my clients are lost in the thought that losing weight will make them happy, but what they discover is that they can be happy anytime they want. Then, the struggle to lose weight becomes so much easier.
What thoughts can you think that makes you feel happy right now?
What if you lived as if you were the best at your job raise or not because you showed up every day knowing they are lucky to have you?
What if you started doing things that made you happy TODAY, without even losing the weight?
Life is a whole lot more fun when we realize we are in charge of how we think about things and in turn how we FEEL about things.
3. Failure is Growth
I’ve said this so many times throughout this post, but I need to say it again.
Failure is not a bad outcome. It means you took action, you tried something even if you didn’t know it was going to work out. You succeeded at being an active part of your own life.
And with the self-coaching model, you have a way to evaluate that failure, learn from it, and grow to your potential.
Embrace your failure as a way to learn, movement on a journey is good, no matter the direction.
If you broke your diet, it does not mean you have to give up forever. You can learn from your failure, and find a new way to ensure you will be consistent.
This is all about creating the results you want in your life, my friends!!!
I hope this self-coaching model helps you through moments you are struggling to move past. If you need any help, I would love to work with you!
And now, when you hear me refer to The Model, this is a quick explanation of what I am referring to. It goes deeper than this, but this will get you started!
Feel free to bookmark this post to refer back to when you need to, and check out examples of models below.
Let me know in the comments below any questions you have, or schedule a call and I can work through a model with you!
Sarah Failla
Examples of Models:
Example #1: Let’s use weight-loss as an example. Here are a few models you can see in action. I will often first write out the unintentional model. What I am thinking on autopilot.
Unintentional Model #1:
C- I weigh 185
T- I will never lose weight
F- Hopeless
A- None.
R- Feel hopeless and stay 185.
(Say this person wants to feel motivated, they can start by replacing Hopeless with Motivated in the F line and work their way out from there. If they are motivated, what thought do they have that gives them motivation? There is a bazillion to choose from, so I just picked 1. Sometimes you need to try on different feelings or thoughts until you get the right one that resonates with you.)
Intentional Model #1:
C- I weigh 185
T- I exercise + Fuel my body for weight loss.
F- Motivated
A- Walk and don’t drink soda today.
R- Feel proud of me.
Example #2: In this example, I changed the thought when I did the intentional model.
Unintentional Model #2:
C- The scale was 170 yesterday and 172 today. (Be specific- don’t just say the scale went up.)
T- Nothing I do works
F- Like sh*t
A- Eat everything
R- Feel like crap and the scale goes up even more.
Intentional Model #2:
C- The scale was 170 yesterday and 172 today.
T- I know I didn’t gain 2 pounds, it’s water or something else.
F- Persistence
A- Stick to plan
R- Scale goes eventually goes down bc I didn’t quit/ sabotage.
Example #3: In this example, I am just doing the intentional model to help with my goal. So I start with the Result line and work up from there.
C- I weigh 170
T- It is in my power to lose 15 pounds
F- Empowered/Confident
A- Exercise + Stick to eating plan
R- I weigh 155
I ask myself what is the feeling I need that will help me do A and R? Notice I didn’t put I am overweight in the C line. That is a thought and not a fact. Sure, you could use standards to justify your weight being above or below weight, but because it is subject to opinion, it does not go into the C line. 170 is neutral. Even the word overweight can bring up thoughts and feelings, so keep the C line to a number. You can feel how you want to about that number, but once again, those are your thoughts. And you can control your thoughts.
Example #4: This was fun and from my coaching session today. I was expressing how I was not feeling the ‘mojo’ to work on my business or push to my next income goal. Just feeling kind of ‘blah.’
I was sharing how this year I’ve been telling myself to ‘be faithful to the daily tasks that add up over time’ when it comes to my business. Now, this was an excellent thought for me at the beginning of the year, but right now, that thought puts me to sleep. Boring. Blah. Meh. Those are the feeling that that thought was currently giving me. Instead of conjuring up some other thought as I was struggling to do, my coach purposed this.
What if your new thought was, ‘I feel the blah and do it anyway’. Or, ‘I get things done no matter how I FEEL’.
Friends- this was so empowering to me as simple as it sounds. Interestingly, we don’t even always have to make the feelings change, but we can change how we think about them, and that changes everything. Sure, I can get myself a new feeling. But I feel that at this moment in time, for me, that it’s more powerful for me to learn to ‘get things done for my business no matter how I feel.’ And that thought does change my feeling from boring/blah/meh to empowered. And when I feel empowered, I take action. I believe in myself.
And the results from those actions? I create the forward motion in my business that I desire and I help more people. I show up fully. And I find my ‘mojo’ again.
There you have it, my friends! An introduction to the Self Coaching Model and a few examples of it playing out in our lives.
If we are not currently working together and you would someone to coach you, tell me about yourself here. The two main focuses of my coaching are Weight Loss Accountability and/or Life Coaching for Work At Home Moms. If either of those is you- I’ve got you.